The strength in starting over

The scariest things in life are usually the things we need to do the most.

I’m not encouraging you to commit a crime, or quit your job, sell all your belongings and go off the grid ‘into the wild’ style, but rather to take that leap of faith of reinventing yourself when you know that the version of yourself now is not serving you any longer.

Throughout our lifetime we’ve worn many different masks, it’s natural to change and adapt as we grow older - life goes along and as it takes us for the ride, we grow; mentally and physically, we suffer hardships that mould us and we build new memories off the back of happy experiences.

You look back, five, maybe ten years from now and you know you’ve changed - the wrinkles around your eyes are more pronounced, you don’t put sugar in your tea anymore and you smoke less than you used to. But fundamentally, are you really that different? Does this version of yourself feel like progress? For many of us, the answer is no, because we often stay in situations that don’t reflect who we want to be, either out of comfort or because we’ve convinced ourselves we’re not capable or deserving.

Reinvention doesn’t have to mean burning your life to the ground. It can be subtle; a shift in mindset, a small step toward your dream, or even setting a boundary that scares you. Every leap starts with a single step forward. Next thing you know, you’ll look back five years, except this time it’s not only that you’ve grown, but you’ve transformed;

Because when you decide to change, when you take the steps to reinvent yourself, you’re doing it in a way that the natural progression of life just can’t compete with.

Realize that any loss you might have endured, any opportunity you screwed up, created the version of yourself that is standing right there, willing to change for the better - now equipped with the experience and the emotional push to propel you there.

I spent many years depressed, I hated the life I was living to a degree that cannot be described. I shut myself off from the world and became a version of myself that I despised. Even then, I desperately wanted better for myself, to the point that I would cry day and night, asking god or whoever was listening to me to help me because it didn’t seem like I had the strength do it myself. I wish I could say that I put on my big girl pants and got back up there and then, but it only got worse and worse. That is the tricky thing about depression - you feel stuck in quicksand, desperate to get out but the more you fight it the more you feel that you’re sinking.

In retrospect, I did fight for myself because I stayed alive. I pushed to keep myself here despite the days growing more and more miserable, until I hit rock bottom. That was the day something inside me switched, and I decided that I needed to start over. I guess that wasn’t even something I had previously considered because I realised I was so desperate to get back to my old self, to become a better version of who I was, but that version of myself is what got me in this mess in the first place. Unhealed trauma, bad habits, and the worst of all, drowning in all my past (and accumulating) regret.

That regret is still a part of this new version of me, it’s still there, lingering in the corners of my rib cage beside my heart. But I’ve forgiven myself, I’ve taken the time to understand why I ended up the way I did, it’s a piece of me but it is not all of me. It does not define me anymore and I will never let it consume me ever again.

Each phase of life carries its own purpose, its own lessons, so remember regrets do not serve you, having them doesn’t hold you back but giving them power does.

What we can achieve, and who we can become, is limitless. It doesn’t happen overnight, but just knowing it’s attainable is a powerful mentality that will take you far.

So ask yourself: Is the person you are today the person you want to be tomorrow? If the answer is no, what small step can you take to begin that transformation?

Reinvention isn’t a one-time event; it’s a lifelong process of becoming, but it starts with the decision to do so, and the belief that you can.

Mia M. xx